Pain – a catalyst

Life is pretty unpredictable. Sometimes it is filled with so much happiness that we are overwhelmed with joy and sometimes it will bring us so much loneliness that we feel like there’s nobody around us and we’re on our own. We feel isolated and stuck in our own painful commotion. We become so sad that every face, every word, even every action keep reminding us of our misery.
But in the parallel universe, we humans are developed and processed in a way that every misery, every happiness and every emotion, or as a matter of fact every incident in our life is a learning to add up to our life experience. None of us are alone ( in a literal term), the world is full of people and we, in fact are surrounded by many beloved ones, but no one can travel our pain for us and no one can fix our pain for us. That’s when we must understand that the whole healing process is upto us alone.
When we are in such times, we are basically moving towards a drastic transformation. No matter how hard we hit the bottom, we have to muster up the strength to bounce back and represent ourself as new, more powerful and wiser individual than before. The span of intense pain that we suffer from is just a way to lead us into the transformation and adapt to the circumstances and challenges that are coming ahead.
It’s a simple process of alchemy and pain is the catalyst. Just be strong and don’t let the misery hit you to the rock bottom. Be the fighter you’re destined to be! It may not pass quickly, but be committed to get over it and heal at your own pace.
Your life and who you are as a person changes fundamentally. You might miss the person you used to be, but now is what you are, this is what you were supposed to be! Be gentle, be kind but at the same tine be wiser, be bolder, be stronger! Take responsibility for yourself and your healing. This, I believe is the highest form of loving yourself.

Game of Life

The moment I was confident enough to speak, the hall got empty
When I was sure of losing, I won the game
When I needed people to hold me, they all left
The day I became independent, I found someone to spoil me
When I started to stand on my bruised feet, I found a shoulder to lean on
The day I mastered the skill of hating, someone showered me with true love
And while I was waiting for the darkness to end, The universe was lit up with stars
This my darling, is life.
No matter what you plan for yourself, it will always take you by surprise.
Success introduces you to the world but failure introduces world to you
Often we lose hope and cry, that is the same moment when we need to believe in miracle and power of faith!
Don’t you worry my dear, always believe no matter how hard life gets back to you, it is always a bend, never the end!

Daddy’s Doll

I was a kid, probably in my kindergartens when my dad bought me my first battery-operated doll. I don’t know if I was ever into dolls that much but somehow papa always gifted me a barbie on my every birthday, even when i was a teenager. It was kind of a tradition back then. A barbie from every nook of the world.

I just saw that little dollie lying in my closet and I picked it up. To my surprise, the moment I picked her, I could feel the touch of my father. The affection , the care, the love he always had for me and the touch! Yes, that touch lingered with me for a little while and I was taken down the memory lane.

My doll is bit withered with time now. Rusted batteries, old dirty clothes, lost charm yet there is something about it that has always attracted me. I guess it’s the smile. I can completely resonate with her. With every passing time, i am losing my inner child, my innocence, my charm and a bit of myself to s blackhole. But there’s always a smile that I wear to make myself believe that everything is going to be alright.

But, the truth is that there’s a gnawing hollowness in my heart, that I know i’ll have to learn how to live with. The emptiness around me and within me eats me from inside but that’s exactly when one fights against all odds and bounce back with full thrust. Because even with all the emptiness, I know you’re always there to protect your little girl. Nothing anyone said matter, no problem was big enough, everyday was full of laughter when you were around. We miss you papa. I know you’re not here anymore. But you live in me, in every bit of the house, every thing you ever touched, your clothes that still smell of you, your wrist watch that still hold close. Every morning I wish and pray that both your kids make you proud and take your name to a new high. You shall always live in our hearts forever.

I love you papa

Life- a simple complication

They say “life is what you make of it”. Is it really true? Is life really what you make of it? Does it go as planned? Do you get all what you desire? Is it really that simple?
Ha ha ha ha
Introspect yourself, see deep inside your own self and you will get the answer yourself. Life is not really what you make of it. It is instead a lot like a bumpy ride where you get used, bruised, hurt, torn and still you somehow (mostly) manage to collect yourself and move ahead with all the pieces. But somewhere with every bump, we are a little lost. Maybe because we leave a little piece of us at that very time. You may find people boasting of how much they love you and how they will never leave you alone or be by your side.

*Time for a reality check*

People lie! Yes, you read it right! They do. They might have an interest of their own so thats what make them do allnthese false promises and some fool people like me and some of you reading it fall for the trap and believe the white lie. Truth is nobody will ever stay. They will all leave one by one and you would be left all alone! So its better to accept the truth as soon as possible as it will hurt less!
But never get disheartened and always remember that before you’re any body else’s, you are your own! You are your own superhero! You don’t need that external push. Everything is the game of mind, in other words your so called brain. So be strong enough to hold yourself together, fight back your fears and turn the world into something that you wanted, never let the world turn you to what they want!

**Cheers to Life**

Diary of a dead girl

“I woke up to this horrible dream. People lying on the floor, their bodies covered with blood and walls marked with blullets and drops of blood. I could see all my friends lying down there. I tried waking them up. But no one woke up. I was scared. My head was paining. This morning, I told abbu i wasn’t feeling well and i didn’t want to go to school but he scolded me for making excuses. I really didn’t wanted to come today. Ammi made me wear this new uniform but its all drenched with blood now, she will be angry. I was scared. No body was moving around me. I was crying alone sitting in the corner

Wait, is that ammi’s voice, i asked myself and came running to the play ground. There was huge rush. Oh even Bushra’s ammi abbu are here but why are they crying? What happened? Is she alright? Oh look ammi abbu are righy there. I ran running to her but from far i could sense they were crying. Watching them cry i couldn’t control my tears and ran up to hug her. I just passed through her body! I was shocked, i cried harder. I couldn’t understand what was happening. Then i saw a girl lying down on the floor dead. It was me. I am dead. That bullet had hit my head. I was standing there helplessly, crying, trying to hold ammi and abbu but i couldn’t. I can see them going away. “Ammi mat jao hum yahin hain. Humeun darr lag rha hai abbu. Humein chhod ke mat jao”. I cried but they didn’t listen. I am alone. Forever.”

What if their souls are still wandering in the school? What if they are crying for help? What if they are watching you going away. They were kids. They were immature. Before they could even learn the spelling of LIVE, they had to die. Such inhumane action. Terrorism has no religion. Terrorism knows no age. Terrorism has no friends or foes. All they want is blood , no matter who they are or how many they are?

My heart goea out for those kids who were the victims in the attack and for their family. We all can feel the pain, though its not anywhere near equal to the amount of pain that you are having but its not any less. Lets come together and fight against such heinous crime and such evil people. Hope that the little souls rest in peace.

When I was 6 years old

 

When I was 6 years old, I loved the sweetness of chocolates.

When I was 6 years old, I loved wearing that cute new frock.

When I was 6 years old, I learnt to join two words.

When I was 6 years old, I jumped & played and giggled & swayed.

When i was 6 years old, I believed that powerpuff girls save the day.

 

BUT NOW, THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

 

Chocolates are not sweet anymore.

He gave her a chocolate to bribe and played with her soul.

That little white frock is not cute anymore.

Her smile, her laughter, her giggle, her sound have all lost their way.

Before she could spell HAPPINESS, she knows “RAPE”.

Before she could LIVE, she is left to CRIB.

She was just 6 years old and now that she knows,

There is no SUPERMAN, no POWERPUFF GIRL,

Who could save her soul from the darkest shades.

 

The last chapter

“Mumma, I am wearing that favourite red saree of yours. But these golden bangles don’t match up with my dress. I am looking like a princess, exactly like papa used to describe when I was a kid and wore your makeup and saree. How curious I was then to become a bride. Please tell papa to be strong and not cry behind those pillars. The smell of those flowers I kept in the vase the other day is still fresh in my room. Mumma, why are you crying looking at my pictures? I swear It didn’t hurt much. The cut was deep and initially it pained a lot but then I couldn’t feel anything. My hand was all numb. Sleep was taking over the pain I had. I was loosing my sight. Maybe because of the watery eyes but there was a deep darkness surrounded all around me. I could not see or feel anything. No, I wasn’t scared of the darkness anymore. It was like I was sleeping in your lap and nothing could hurt me now.

This pain was a lot less than what I felt when he touched me. It was nothing in comparison to the pain he gave when he tore my blouse and slapped me. I was shouting and crying for help but nobody listened. I tried to run but that devil pulled me and forced himself all over me. When he was done, he didn’t even bothered to put a piece of cloth over me. I was lying there for hours -naked and all bruised. But now mumma, I am free, free from all the pain and torture. I am going mumma. I told you and all you asked me to stay quite. Now don’t cry please. I love you and papa but I couldn’t live with that pain anymore. I will miss you mom. Bye”

This is the story of every girl who has been a victim of rape. When she tries to raise her voice she is made to sit down quietly. Even if she manages to gather some courage and stand against the cruel act, she is treated with a disgust and all the blame is forced upon her. Why? Just because she is a girl? Women are even scared to share such incidents with their friends and family because they know they will be blamed and their family won’t support her.

In the end the girl is left with no choice but suicide. This is not done. Suicide shall not be the only way to get free from all sorrows and pain. Why victim has to suffer and the rapist run free? Girls are not weak. They are strong, stronger than any men. If not physically then emotionally. You are not any less independent. So stand for yourself. Stand for the injustice done to you. Tell your parents. File a report. You raise one voice and there will definitely be 10 other voices to join you. Remember you are not alone! the person in the mirror is always with you. How are you going to face that person? So be strong enough and fight for your right.

Girls don’t want to be worshipped as goddess, keep that for holy cows. Atleast treat us equal. At least stop dominating us. Atleast stop raping us! The problem is not with the girls , or their short dress or them being drunk. The real problem is in the eye of the beholder. Let’s just respect women becaus she is one of the most amazing creation. You don’t have to make her you sister , mother or wife to respect her. Just respect her no matter what.

Remember:
A drunk girl should not be treated as an opportunity but a responsibility! Her short clothes don’t give you invitation for raping her or even commenting her. She has more of male friends, that doesn’t make her a slut. She is as normal as you are. Just don’t treat her like a sex toy. She is a human too. Love her. Respect her

Help Yourself…

On boarding a flight, the airplane crew always shows some “safety drills: which are required to be known by the passengers, in case if any emergency falls. The crew tells us various safety measures that must be taken in any such situation like not moving off the chair, fastening the seat belts or wearing the oxygen mask in case of low air pressure. It is always advisable to wear your own mask first and then to help the children and the elderly person, because if you don’t wear your oxygen mask first there are chances that you may faint and then you can definitely not help any other person around.

Similarly, all the professions teach us the same thing i.e., to help ourselves before helping the world! How can a doctor treat his patients if he is himself ill? How can a saint help you sort your religious issues if he himself has the devil hidden inside him? How can a financial advisor help you if he himself is bankrupt? Why do we seek for help outside? Why do we find other people “perfect” for sorting out the troubles of our very own life? What if that “person” is having the same kind of trouble that you are facing? And he is not letting you know because this will lower his reputation in front of you. How can such person sort your complicated life?  You might be sitting beside the deeply broke person and you would not even know that.

Nobody in this world can help you better that you yourself (mark my words). We know our threshold power, our limitations and the point till where we can push ourselves up even in the hardest times. All we need is to know ourselves a little more. If we are locked in the dark room, we are the ones who will try and find the way out in the light, people will not come from outside and get a candle for us. We will either have to burn ourselves to light up or get degraded in the darkness- the choice is all ours.

Why is it so hard to listen to the voice of your inner soul? Don’t be afraid to see the devil side of ours, no matter how dark it is; in the end it is a part of you. So gear up, take a deep breathe and move on the mission- Help yourself!

 

 

Together forever

I adore the moon lit night,

and the stars shinning bright.

The chilling cold breeze,

the wobbling trees.

Reminds me of the time,

when everything was fine.

Life was perfect and a total bliss.

No colours in the rainbows  were left for me to miss,

Now life has taken a u-turn.

Yesterday seems like a picture to burn.

Hues of the canvas have faded,

watches world seems dull and degraded.

Moving like a soul-less creature,

Everything to me is blocked in a picture,

Nothing seems right when you’re not here.

i wish I could fly away and meet you some where.

I know one day will come,

the sun will shine.

Bring along with it,

Another ray of hope.

Never back down, the inner soul says,

Life again will bright up with these shining rays.

so open up your heart and give me a smile,

for we are meant to walk together a mile.

together forever for years to come,

And years to come again and pass by.

Mr. Kind

When I was a kid

There’s a thing I did

I planted a tree

To get some fruits for free

I named it Mr. Kind

And loved it so blind

Every evening we used to meet

Played around and greet

Upon its branches I did hung

Cherished its fruits with my tongue

From cycle to motor car

I grew up like a star

I grew older and became a champion

Among the new friends, I forgot an old companion

Hues of canvas changed with season

Interests changed without any reason

I’m rich, I’m smart, I’m young and wild

With new blood line, I’m not that child

Time passed and years gone by

Feel lonely, alone – I don’t know why?

Came the old age with lots of pain

Dragging the guilt of loss with a bound chain

Dragging the chain, I stand with heavy chest

At a place where I once did left

The leaves, the fruits, the branches all withered

Of the tree that once stood with all its strength

Saw me and smiled like always, Mr. Kind

Love and compassion he had in mind

My leaves have faded, can’t give you shadow

My branches not strong but good enough to build a condo

My fruits all dried

I’m old and fried

But you can rest for long

I was waiting for you since that last song

You left me untold

All alone, blue and so cold

Listening his story, tears dropped from my eye

Feeling the guilt, my heart sobbed at a pitch so high

Apologized for mistake and promised this time

To never leave the loved one for money and wine

With all love in heart he opened his arms

Grabbed me in the warmth of his heavenly charms

Meeting him again in the dark days of our lives

I understood the actual meaning of these lines

Love is pure, forever and kind

It holds no lies or unfaithful mind.